Titanium
by dontyouwannadance
Summary: Tori forces her girlfriend to watch Titanic with her.


_**I went to see Titanic in 3D today. I wrote this little drabble-ish thingie when I got home, to distract myself from my despair over the death of Jack Dawson.**_

_**This is obviously set in the (near :p) future, with Tori and Jade together... Italics is Tori, non-italics is Jade.**_

* * *

I hate this movie.

_Why? Because it makes you feel **sad?**_

No. Because fifteen hundred people die and there's hardly any blood. What's the point in making such an expensive movie if they don't even show the good stuff?

_I think it makes you sad._

Shut up.

_It makes you sad._

Didn't they have dentists in 1996? That guy's teeth are **disgusting.**

_You're gonna cry._

Just watch the movie!

_Fine. You're still gonna cry though._

Do you want me to watch this with you or not?

_I'll shut up._

_..._

You can already tell Rose's mom is gonna be a bitch.

_You really can…_

She reminds me of my mom, only nicer.

_Your mom isn't **that** bad._

She likes you more than me.

_She does not._

Shut up, I'm trying to watch the movie.

_I thought you didn't like it._

I still want to hear what they're saying!

_That guy isn't even speaking English. It's not like you can understand him. _

Shut up!

_Fine._

_..._

Does she really think he'd jump in after her? What an idiot. That would never work on me.

_She's not an idiot. She just didn't actually want to jump._

She's still an idiot.

_I love Rose!_

Exactly.

_You're unbelievable._

…

Oh, so when a girl runs across the whole ship crying, nobody thinks anything of it, but the second the poor guy's around they all point the rape finger.

_The rape finger?_

You know what I mean.

…

_Leo is so attractive in this movie._

I thought Kate was more your type.

_Doesn't make him any less attractive._

He has really bad forehead wrinkles now.

_He's still hot._

_B-but you're hotter. I mean… It's not even a contest._

Don't even try that. Just watch the movie.

…

_Wait… why is it called the Titanic if it's made of iron?_

What?

_Well shouldn't the **Titanic **be made of **Titanium**?_

Oh my god. You are so dumb. I can't even believe how stupid you are.

_What? It's a valid question!_

What the hell are they supposed to call it? **The Iron-ic?** Why would they name a ship after the material it's made out of? You are so stupid. Oh my god. I can't believe you.

_Well then what **is **it named after?_

I don't know, maybe the Titans? Like, from Greek mythology? Because it's huge and chiz…

_Oh. That makes sense._

We'll just pretend you never said that.

_Okay._

…

Jack would have been so much better off if he had just stayed in France and married that hairy one-legged prostitute. This is why gambling is bad. Even when you win, you lose.

_But then he never would've met Rose!_

Ughhh. You're such a hopeless romantic.

_That's not a bad thing…_

It is when it leads to you dying in the middle of the ocean, frozen solid. That isn't even a cool way to die.

_He died happy though…_

Yeah, sure. You tell me he's happy when we get to that part.

_We're never going to get to that part if you keep complaining._

If you would shut up and watch the movie, I wouldn't complain.

_Yes you would._

**Shut** **up**.

…

_I hate Cal. It sucks that he gets to live._

I kinda like him.

_Why?_

He's hot.

_You think he's hot?_

Hotter than Leo.

_He is not! You're just saying that because he's the bad guy. _

That's what's hot about him.

_You have terrible taste._

Tell me about it.

…_What?_

Shhh…just watch the movie, babe.

_That was really insulting._

It was a joke.

_It was still insulting._

…

_Be quiet, I like this part!_

I wasn't talking!

_Shut up!_

You **would** like the part where Kate takes her clothes off.

_I just think it's really romantic, that's all…_

Gross.

…_Will you ever let me draw you like that?_

No.

_Why not?_

You can't draw.

_Yes I can! You just said yesterday that you liked my cat drawing._

That was supposed to be a cat?

I'm just kidding.

…but you still can't draw me naked.

_You'll change your mind._

I will not.

Tori. Stop touching me. Tori, I'm trying to watch the movie. Tori!

_**Jade.**_

…

Great. Now we missed the good part.

_The good part? What part is that?_

Well I won't know until you rewind it. I haven't seen this movie in years.

_Do I really need to rewind it?_

Yes! We missed like, fifteen minutes of the movie!

_You said you hated it._

Just rewind it.

_Fine. _

…

They're so dumb. Why are they just standing in the hallway when that guy's after them? And how does she even run through there without her dress catching on fire? _That _would've been a good death scene.

_Shut up. They're just having fun. _

Yeah. **Fun.**

**... **

Those are some really steamy windows...

_Jade, what are you- Oh god. Okay. Alright, I'm pausing it this time._

Good. We'll be missing more than a couple minutes.

…

The iceberg is my favorite character.

_I thought Cal was your favorite. _

No, Cal's the hottest. The iceberg is obviously not hot. If the iceberg were hot, this movie would be boring as hell.

_Rose is my favorite._

Of course she is. She's just as stupid as you are.

_She's not stupid!_

Yeah, that's why she believes **Cal **over Jack.

_She was brainwashed by her mother and society into thinking that poor people always steal. She's scared. She doesn't know what to believe. **You **only believe Jack because the movie's set you up for that._

You can try to explain it all you want, but Rose is still stupid.

_No she's not. _

…

These rich people are so freaking dumb. The boat is **sinking. **Why do they get a life jacket and Jack doesn't?

_Aww, did you want Jack to live?_

No… but at least he's not a total dumbass. He deserved a chance more than they did.

_You wanted him to live. _

No. He had to die. If he hadn't died, Rose would've just kept shouting JACK JACK JACK for another hour and this movie would be even worse.

_You like Jack._

No I don't.

_You said the same thing about me. _

Yeah, well sometimes I lie…but this isn't one of those times.

_Yeah it is._

…

The special effects in this movie are pretty impressive.

_I knew you liked it._

I only like the special effects. All those people plummeting to their death look pretty real.

_It's scary. _

You talk too much. I'm trying to watch a movie here.

…

_Jade?_

**What? **Didn't I just tell you to be quiet?

_If we were on the Titanic which one of us would get to lie on the door?_

I would lay on you.

_Oh really?_

Yeah, you wouldn't even notice the cold. I could make you that hot.

_Can I get a serious answer?_

Why? Are you planning on taking me on an ill-fated cruise through the ice cold Atlantic Ocean sometime soon?

_I just want to know. _

I guess I would let you have the door.

_Why?_

Because that's the answer you're looking for.

_I want an honest answer. I'm just curious._

Well, I guess I would let you have the door because…I would probably end up sinking it, with my luck, and you…well you'd just complain nonstop if you had to be the one in the water…and you'd turn blue faster and that would be really unattractive, and then I guess, if you were in the water, you'd die, and that would make me…really sad.

_Really sad?_

Yeah. I'd probably cry.

_That's really sweet._

Well you better savor that sweetness.

…

_Jade?_

What?

_Are you crying?_

No.

_Ahh! You are! Oh my god, you're crying! I told you! I told you you'd cry! I was right!_

You were just sobbing loud enough for the neighbors to hear you not even two minutes ago.

_Yeah, but I never said I wouldn't cry. You're crying! You are crying over movie deaths and you said you wouldn't! _

No I'm not. It's stupid Celine Dion…and the…that happened to **real people. **And Rose, she…she lived 84 more years and she got all wrinkly and smelly but…she still loved Jack, even though he got eaten by fish at the bottom of the ocean….

Okay, **fine, **I'm crying over the death of a stupid fictional character, but only because he made me think of you, and if you got eaten by fish I don't know what I would do. It would be really traumatic, I guess.

_Awww, Jade…_

I still hate that movie. I'm never watching it with you again.

_My parents won't be home for another hour. Come keep me from drowning in the Jacuzzi, and I won't make you._

If you mention today to anybody, I might push you under instead.


End file.
